"Oh my God! You got a Silverado!" She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me like she had won a game show trip to Bermuda. She had told me that she was a sucker for a man in a pick up truck but it had to be a Chevy, definitely not a Ford and she hadn't weighed in on any other makes. I told her I was renting a Kia but instead called every company until I finally found a Chevy truck. It was the biggest she had smiled since I had been there, which didn't upset me. I was glad I nailed it.
"And greeeeeeeeeeey. Nice." She jumped in.
"See. Just don't sass me anymore and things will all work out for you. Trust me."
"Okay."
I squealed out of the parking lot and headed right on Market and left on King. Then I hit a beautiful bridge and took the first exit. Like all baby cities, everything was close even though the people that live there say it's far. Whole Foods was like 7 minutes away, not 20. We made it with plenty of time to spare.
We flew to the baking isle. I love Whole Foods. It's my shrine. I could just roam around in there for hours, but we had to move with some alacrity since they were closing in a few minutes. I grabbed the whole wheat pastry flour, the oatmeal, and the alcohol free vanilla extract.
"Sunspire Chocolate chips, bananas and we're done." I announced.
"That was really fun in the bed."
"Yes it was." I stopped shopping and kissed her tenderly.
"I love fucking in the afternoon," she said, still flushed from the fucking.
"I know, right?"
"Why is that I wonder?"
"Because when we first were messing around and becoming sexual as kids, it was always after school. In the auditorium.... Riverside Park... Her room before her mother got home from work. That's a deeply grooved neuro pathway. The first time?! That's seared in the subconscious deep. It's not gonna go away anytime soon. That's why after school is always the time I get randy. Like clockwork. Since I was seven. At least that's my theory."
"Makes sense."
"And after the after school sex.... The Yodells, Ring Dings and Devil Dogs!"
"Ahhh. So you always binge on sweets now after sex too?"
"Pretty much, yeah. But we like to refer to it as a 'celebration' not a 'binge."
"Chocolate chips. Come on. Bananas. Oh, and peanut butter. And maple syrup. Fuck. We have to hurry. And Vanilla Rice Dream for on top."
We raced around getting the last of the ingredients I needed for my cookies and then made our way back to her house where I cooked a decent, not amazing, but perfectly good batch of my usually better vegan-maple syrup-sweetened-banana-chocolate chip-peanut butter-cookie/brownies with Rice Dream on top.
"You wanna come back to my hotel and sleep over?"
"Are you sure? I know you don't like to have sleep-overs often."
"No. I would like you to. If you want to."
"Sure."
We went back to my place and spent the night. Even though I felt very comfortable with her, I still didn't sleep well. I'm just a bad sleeper, even in my own bed in the best of circumstances, alone. Let alone with a new girl in a new bed. I'm just afraid that my tossing and turning will keep her awake and then I get nervous and can't sleep and I like a lot of space in the bed and it was a double, not even a Queen. I want, like, a double California King. Like a room of bed. Like you could drop and roll and still not bump into anyone.
The next three days, I spent the afternoons proof reading the absolute last draft of my book, which was really cool because they were type set pages with the actual font they're going to use in the book so it seemed like an official book, not just a manuscript and it made it read even better than I hoped it would. I am dying for you to read it. I think you're gonna like it a lot.
The evenings were spent eating, making love, fucking, talking, fucking rough, sleeping, not sleeping, SNL, and then came Sunday.
In a nut shell. Sunday was the blow up. Long story short, she woke up early and bolted with a kiss saying she had errands to run and would call me later. She knew that I would be watching both playoff games alone and that we could hang for dinner after. I got my feelings hurt because she didn't want to cuddle (have sex) pre-game on my last morning there. I over reacted and said some dumb things like "obviously your 'errands' are more important than me." She responded by saying dumb things like, "You can't expect people to rearrange their schedules for you" and we were in a stand off for the 7 hours of football on my last day there. I, thinking she was being unyielding and selfish by accusing me of wanting her to "change her schedule" to cuddle (have sex) when I had fucking flown down there to see her and the errands could wait... she thinking I was being bossy and selfish in not allowing her to have a life while I watched football, which was obviously more important than spending time with her.
After the games I went over to her house and we argued for two hours while I cooked and ate scrambled eggs with melted Mozzarella and spelt seed toast with Earth Balance.
We were having our first deep sigh-what are we even arguing about at this point-talk.
I was frightened by the way she argued more than what was even at issue and she was frightened by my pit bull grip on the argument itself, feeling I couldn't let it go and move on. I left without a hug and went back to the hotel. It was 50/50 that we would ever see each other again.
I think we both felt that if it was this hard this fast, though we really liked each other and had a lot in common and a lot of wonderful chemistry, we might just not be right for each other.
The next morning, I thought fuck it; let me get out of this fucking city. I hated it. Charleston had a decidedly racist deep south vibe that repulsed me. They could smell the north on me and hated me for it. Young black people were angry which scared me and older black people were subservient which made me really sad. The white people seemed superior and fake and mean.
I started to drive to the airport but then at the last minute felt I should give Melinda another chance. Give myself another chance. It's so rare I meet a girl who I like. Who I think is unique and not just at worst a PC-MTV-immediate gratification-superficial-cookie cut out-mindless-ADD-automaton and at best boring or just not blowing up my skirt for whatever reason. And one I'm attracted to as well. Melinda was that. Wildly original, smart as a shark, had heart for days and was sexy as fuck. I made a left towards her house.
It was pouring rain and I decided to call her from my cell phone and sit out front in the truck to start the conversation. There was something poetic about it. Based on how it went I would go in or not. My plane didn't leave for four hours.
Twenty minutes into what quickly became take two of the same argument we had had the night before, I honked the horn and said, "Hear that? That's me saying good bye. You can come out and wave but you probably don't want to."
"Are we done?" She asked bitterly.
"I guess so. I'm really sorry it didn't work out Melinda. I had a lot of hope." I meant that.
"Yeah, whatever. Bye." So did she.
We just couldn't seem to conflict resolve well. And without that skill, every relationship is doomed.
I got off the tiny plane at LaGuardia and it was frigid, for the first time all winter. I love the cold, I always have. It eased the sadness of another slain hope. I waited in the taxi line. A cute girl with a tan and long blonde hair came up behind me.
"Where are you going in the city?" she asked.
"Upper West. You?"
"Village."
"Sorry," I said. "Where'd you get the tan?"
"Sundance."
"Cool." That cemented it. For the time being I was over trying to make a girl like me and trying to like a girl... certainly one who had just been at Sundance. I went home alone in the cab and made it to the restaurant in time to meet my mom and a couple friends for my birthday dinner... oh yeah. It was my 45th birthday that day. Happy Fucking Birthday.
"How was Charleston, honey?" my sweet mom, always optimistic asked with her kooky and hopeful smile.
"Not great."
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." My friends, mom, chocolate cake and the cold my comfort. Who's luckier than me.
Posted by Eric Schaeffer at 12:17 AM