So I opened the door, of course all of you watching this horror movie are like, "WHAT KIND OF IDIOT LOOKS IN THE BASEMENT FOR THE KILLER... RUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!" But no, I thought it would somehow be the better move so I did.
Standing in front of me was a 6'3" sandy haired white kid, mid twenties, wired on speed, sweaty and menacing.
"Hello?" I said as if he might just be a friendly neighborhood lad lost on my floor for some reason, in search of the rooftop tennis maybe, looking for a 3AM game.
"Is Sherry here?"
"Yes, she is."
"You're gonna get fucked up now pussy!" Sherry yelled from the living room.
"Can I come in?" I was surprised by his manners. Even though I was scared, I had a lucky moment of lucidity and realized that it wasn't that this enforcer, there to kill me if need be, went to finishing school, but only that he didn't want to get in any unnecessary trouble and that it must be some kind of crime to enter my room uninvited.
"No. You can't."
"Will you leave the door open then so I can tell that Sherry is alright?"
"Sure."
"You're in trouble now pervert fuck!!!" Sherry screamed again. I went into the foyer so I could see the bouncer standing in the doorway ready to pounce on me from my left, and Sherry, still on the phone in front of me in living room.
"GIVE ME MY MONEY!!" She screamed. I was too afraid to lock myself in the bathroom and call security on the phone in there. There were two lines but I didn't want these people to have free reign in my hotel room while I was in there. I just wanted them to go away.
The guy at the door could lose his patience at any time and snap and she might have a boxcutter in her hand or in her purse or up her sleeve, who the fuck knew.
"Okay, I'll give you 50 bucks." I handed it to her.
"ALL MY MONEY BITCH!!!! WE'LL FUCK YOU UP!!!"
"Okay, take 100 but please just leave." I handed her another 50.
"DON'T FUCK WITH ME YOU LITTLE FAGGOT!! I WANT ALL MY MONEY OR WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU!!!!"
Fine. I gave her another 200 bucks. She hung up the phone and laughed in my face as she left.
"That's right you little perverted faggot. I took my money from you." And she was out the door with her bodyguard.
I was shaking and although I was grateful they were gone and I hadn't been hurt, the fear quickly was washed away by a tidal wave of shame. What a fucking pussy I was for giving up all the money. Clearly if the guy asked if he could come in he wasn't gonna do anything and what was she gonna do if I called security, really.
I felt like a fucking wimp. I pathetic loser that, unable to find a girl to be my girlfriend had to resort to trying to buy a girl for an hour to find a little affection and even she realized what a troll I was and robbed me and cuckolded me, exposing me for the fucking cunt that I am. On Christmas Eve, no less. No mother, no family, no friends, no girl...no one to love me...because I am inherently to the core, worthless and undeserving of love. That's how I felt.
A bottle of Jack Daniels and a couple bags of heroin used to quickly make that feeling go faaaaar away, but that wasn't an option that I would choose.
I suddenly got terrified that, knowing they had a pathetic sucker sitting duck in room 451, they might come back later in the night and kill me. I know to you that sounds ridiculous, but to me, it made perfect sense. Beyond sense. An assured outcome if I remained in that room. I remembered that Ebner hadn't gone to East to see his family so I called him.
"Hello."
"You have to come to my hotel and help me move to another hotel. I just got robbed by a hooker."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just had a fucking hooker over and I didn't like her and tried to send her back but she called the driver up and he stood at the door while she robbed me. I mean I paid her cause I was scared. I didn't know if they had a fucking knife or whatever..."
"Why didn't you call security?"
"I just wanted them the fuck out of my room. What if they had done something while security was on the way?"
"They wouldn't have done shit."
"Whatever, Mark, you're tougher than me."
He was. In college, I once ripped off 20 hits of acid out of this guy's dorm room. I dropped a couple and went to the bar. Like an idiot, when I had gone into this guy's room, to try and make people in adjacent rooms think he was there even though he wasn't, I had an imaginary conversation with him, "Hey Ted, what's up?!" And then I rummaged though his drawers and found his stash. Unfortunately, everyone knew my voice and I was easily identified as the thief.
I was leaving the bar when Ted and ten of his friends found and confronted me.
"You stole my fucking acid, you fuck!" Ted said, really pissed. Well, as pissed as a dead head could be.
"Fuck you, I did not, Jerry." I wasn't a dead head.
"Give it back or we're gonna fuck you up." I wasn't afraid of him but he did have a number of friends and one of them was big...and had a hammer in his hand. And I was tripping my brains out.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ebner appears and grabs the hammer with two hands and tries to rip it out of the guy's hands but he's too strong so he doesn't let go so they go round and round in circles like some Cossack dance, fighting over this hammer. Another friend of mine comes out of the bar so at least I have a little more back up, but my friends were drug addicts first and foremost, and other than Mark, apparently would only lend their support if I ponied up some acid.
"Adam, you gotta help me. They think I stole their acid."
"Give me some."
"I didn't take it!" I figured my best strategy was to try and convince everyone, even my friends, that I hadn't done it. There's nothing harder than trying to appear straight on three hits of mean green blotter.
"LET GO OF THE HAMMER FUCK HEAD!!!!" Ebner screamed as part of the performance piece that could turn into homicide art at any point. This was Bard, not some inner city community college. Throw downs didn't occur with any regularity. The most violence here was vomiting after shooting a bag of dope.
As the attention of the lynch mob was still being diverted by Ebner fighting the hammer guy, I continued to try and coerce Adam into helping me but he wasn't buying my innocence. "I'll help you, but give me some acid. Come on." Good friend, huh.
Ebner still went round and round with the hammer guy.
"I didn't take it," I said under my breath to Adam.
"Of course you did. Give me some."
"LET GO OF THE FUCKING HAMMER, DUDE!!!!!" Finally Ebner wrestled the hammer away from him.
I decided to continue acting like I hadn't done anything and was nonplussed.
"Fuck this. I'm going home."
I left the safe environs of the bar parking lot and headed for a wooded path across the street that lead to the dorms. The angry throng followed. Mark and my other friend stayed at the bar. I think Mark offered to come along but I wanted to appear relaxed and as if I didn't need protection because I was innocent so I declined his escort.
Ted was screaming at me and about to punch me in the back of the head at any minute but I played it cool and continued to walk.
"I'm gonna fuck you up!!! Admit you took it!! ADMIT YOU TOOK IT!!! WE HEARD YOU IN MY ROOM YOU FUCKER!!!!"
So fucking slickly, I managed to go into my pocket fast, grab the baggy of acid and jam it in a bush as I hit the path. I took another two steps and Ted finally had had enough and grabbed me, turning me around.
"You're not gonna get away with this." His group circled around me.
"Let's fuck him up," the hammer guy said even though his hammer was now in Ebner's possession back at the bar.
"Yeah!!! Let's fucking kill him!!!" The other ten screamed. Ted was foaming at the mouth. Hammer guy picked up a big rock and said, "Let's bash his fucking head in."
I knew I was dead.
To be continued
Posted by Eric Schaeffer at 4:21 PM