I was about to order a cheese steak with extra meat and extra cheese.
"May I help you, Sir?"
I just couldn't pull the trigger.
"Can I have some salt and pepper packets please?"
"Over there." She pointed to the plastic utensil banquet to the right.
"Thank you."
I grabbed a couple salts and a couple peppers. I had been beaten back by the impending bloatation guilt and retreated to one of the chrome tables in the middle of the concourse to eat my hard boiled eggs.
I sat next to a guy who had the greasy Chinese food; it would have been too humiliating to sit next to a cheese steak person.
I wolfed down three fast. Peel, salt, pepper, bite. Peel, salt, pepper, bite. Like that. I had 45 minutes until the flight took off at 8. It was 7:15. I roamed over to the gate. It seemed relatively barren. A lone red-haired woman behind the desk and 10 or so people seated waiting. The flight to Albuquerque was one of the last flights out of Newark for the night except a couple red eyes to Europe down the terminal a ways.
"So, is the plane here?" I asked the woman happily.
"The plane is, but the crew isn't."
"Really."
"Nope. They get in on another flight aaaaaaaaaaaaaaat..." she checked the computer.
"Well, it just landed and it's not too far from this gate so they should be over soon."
"Do you think we'll take off on time?"
"I don't really know. It depends on when they get here."
"Okay. Thanks." It didn't seem too dire. It was 7:21. I decided to amble back towards the food courts to make myself crazy. I was still starving. The eggs had only made me a little sick and when I feel sick, I need cake and ice cream.
Cake being a euphemism for anything sweet. Cookies, chocolate bars, actual cake. And ice cream means either Rice Dream or real ice cream. I now had more ammunition. Not only was I nervous about the plane and the acting job, now my stomach hurt from the eggs. That was a lot on the scale for having cake, but my fat and vanity were weighing pretty heavy on the other side of the scale fro not having it, as usual. I called a friend, hoping that would stave off the temptation until we boarded and once on the plane I would be safe with my almond butter sandwich and banana.
I chatted with Joe. Then Patty. Then Bob. I was half listening for the announcement to board. It was now 7:50. There hadn't been one announcement having to do with my flight. I had overheard flights to Vegas and Tucson boarding replete with final calls and even heard another thing in the string of "never-before-experienced" which was endemic to everything to do with this acting job in New Mexico and all it's peripheries.
"If you have found a crystal ball, please bring it to the customer service counter. Someone has lost their crystal ball."
"Did you hear that?" I said to Bob, the announcements were so loud I figured he'd caught it over the phone.
"I heard something about a crystal ball?"
"Yeah. Someone lost it. Have you ever in your life heard such a thing? Unfortunately, I guess they kinda need it to find it. Catch 22. Sad."
"When's your plane?"
"I don't know. There's no pilot. I better go check. I'll talk to you later."
I hung up and went back to the desk. It was 7:57. As I approached, I saw my red-haired woman disappear down the Jetway where my plane was going to board. Maybe the pilot was finally here and she was going to talk to him to see when we all could get on the plane. The same people sat around waiting. The board now said the scheduled departure time was 8:10 instead of 8. There was another woman at the adjacent desk working the Sarasota flight.
"Hi. Can you tell me what's up with my plane to Albuquerque please?"
"I'm not working that flight," she said as she moved to the desk the red haired woman had vacated and punched it up on her computer. "But the computer says they are waiting for the crew. It's scheduled to leave at 8:10 now."
"There's still no crew? So there's no way it's taking off in 13 minutes."
"I really don't know, Sir. The lady working that flight will be back soon, I'm sure."
"Okay. Thanks."
I meandered away from the desk. Like a slugger not wanting to be in the batter's box until the pitcher is ready, I don't like to sit directly outside the gate. I stay within earshot and eyesight but I like to stroll away from the immediate vicinity.
I found a seat 100 feet away from the gate against the wall under a bright ad. I took out my script and studied a bit half-heartedly. I could sort of see my gate in case any activity broke out and could definitely see the A&W stand in case I broke down which was still in play. After a few minutes I looked at my Blackberry. 8:21. This was getting stupid. I mean, no one was saying anything. I got up, rolling my carry-on bag behind me, and went back to check the board.
The Albuquerque flight was now completely OFF THE BOARD. Like a ghost plane that never existed. I asked a few people what plane they were waiting for. No one was waiting for mine. I spotted a more official looking customer service center a hundred feet down the terminal. The one the crystal ball was supposed to be returned to I gathered. They would have the answers for me.
"Hi. I've been waiting an hour for my plane to Albuquerque to leave and no one has made any announcement and now suddenly it's completely off the departure board."
She tapped away on her computer for a minute.
"That plane left 12 minutes ago at 8:13."
"What are you talking about?! I've been sitting outside the gate and they never announced it was boarding and when I asked a woman she said they were still waiting for he crew."
"One second." She got on the phone. "Yes, Hi. I'm with a passenger, Mr.Schaeffer, and he said no one made an announcement for flight 6298 to Albuquerque. Did it leave out of gate 29 at 8:13? Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Okay. Yes. Thank you." She hung up and looked at me like I was crazy or drunk.
"She said she made three announcements and you were the only one she was missing."
"Okay, with all due respect, that's a lie. There were no announcements, let alone 3. I heard announcements for Vegas and Tucson and lost crystal balls but not one for Albuquerque, New Mexico."
"I'm sorry Sir. I don't know what to tell you. We can get you on the first plane in the morning."
"No thanks."
I turned to leave.
"What do you want to do?" she yelled after me.
"I'll figure it out. Thank you."
It was bizarre. It was truly like God wasn't letting me on that plane because it was going to crash or something. In 35 years of flying nothing like that had ever happened. I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode.
There are few things I hate more than getting to the airport and then having to skulk home again. After all the fucking anxiety of the night before, the packing, the getting there, the security, the waiting and then to have the plane leave me? I never do it. The few times there's been some fuck up with the airline and they try to banish me home until the next day I instead opt to fly anywhere in the direction I was going, or I even pick a place in the opposite direction. I just have to go somewhere.
But in this case, I had a feeling this might be the opening not to go to Albuquerque at all. Even though I had plenty of time to go the following day, Tuesday, and still make it in front of the cameras by Wednesday, when I was scheduled to work, I just felt I wasn't meant to go. I had said yes and tried my best but felt this was a sign.
I called the production supervisor and she treated me like I was a flaky asshole actor who was lying. I told her politely I didn't appreciate her tone and I'd call my friend, the Producer of the show and work it out with him.
After an uncomfortable conversation with stupid dueling dicks for part of it my friend said both our friendship and his show would easily survive my not coming so I bowed out.
I should have said no in the first place but because it was my friend's show, I had wanted to force myself to do it. I was so unbelievably grateful that I didn't have to go.
I thought about what it all meant, which I am want to do in all situations.
Maybe it was all so I could see the homeless man playing golf and have further gratitude for my blessings and a greater call to help others.
Maybe it was to meet Aibjib and be inspired to love like he and his wife.
Maybe it was to know that people still have crystal balls.
Or maybe the domino effect of my seat being empty on the plane to Albuquerque was that two strangers sat next to each other and fell in love.
Whether it was all, none, or some other reason I'm yet to or will never know about... I celebrated with three chocolate Nemos and a pint of Vanilla Hagen Daz and DVR'd 24.
It's so good to be alive.
Posted by Eric Schaeffer at 6:13 PM