I'm not political in the conventional sense. I do care deeply about our world and every creature in it and that includes politicians, but I just feel talk is cheap and resolute; firm and decisive action is the way to bring about change. So that means I don't care what pundits say, I don't care what politicians say; it's clear to me it's a big money machine serving special interest groups, TV, and gossip lovers.

Now, that's not to say that I don't get inspired when I catch a couple minutes on TV of a rare man or woman who seems like someone I'd like to have dinner with, and who happens to be in the political business. I do, but they are few and far between. And even then, I'll wait to see if their rhetoric turns into action before I really get inspired.

Usually, these few minutes I catch of these people on TV happens at the gym. Since I'm very very old now, sometimes, if not feeling enthusiastic, I sit on that pathetic seated bike and go for 30 minutes. My motto is, "If it's harder than sitting on the couch eating cake, it counts." As useless as that bike is, it falls under the category of being harder than eating cake on my couch, so it does indeed meet the criteria of a successful workout and I leave feeling I've moved towards the solution rather than away from it.

Yesterday, while on the bike, I saw a poll on CNN taken by the NY Times I believe or some such thing. Three out of four Americans would rather elect a black man than a 72-year-old man to be President of the United States Of America. This resonated with me, since not only am I closer to 72 than to being black (although I will say I possess many qualities black people possess that most white people do not. Namely I'm a seriously good basketball player and I can clear the room when I dance, even when fat), but also because I realized suddenly that this poll confirmed it was more hideous to be old than to be black.

In America. In 2008. Finally black people are not the low rung of the discrimination totem poll.

I was shocked as this ineffable truth set in.

Old is the new black.

And this wasn't a poll of Democrats or blue state people or MTV kids. This was all of America. So the redneck racist cunts in the South, when asked, "Would you rather elect a black man or an old WHITE guy to be president?" replied, "Well we can't have grandpa in there, so I guess we'll take the guy we still drag behind trucks till they die."

Shocking.

Being old, I am now the most hated of all Americans. While I am so glad black people finally are out of the last spot, I am sad I have now taken it over. Come on people, love up us old folks, it's hard enough putting in 30 minutes on the exercise bike and suddenly not being able to read menus 40 years earlier than anyone told us that would happen, let alone feeling all of your hate. You've finally learned to love the black man, use that same grace to love us. xo e

Posted by Eric Schaeffer at 2:21 PM

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