"I'm okay. How are you?" I replied to God in the cab driver's costume.

"I'm great, thank you, sir." Again, it's hard to describe the vibe this kid had. It was pure love. Pure God.

"Where are you going now?" He asked.

"The gym."

"Oh really?" he said in his thick accent, "I go there too to try and keep my belly low." I laughed. "Yeah,. my belly isn't so low right now... Where are you from?"

"Pakistan."

"Wow, and how long have you been in New York?"

"Only one year."

"I used to drive a cab."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. For eight years."

"And now what do you do?"

"I make movies."

"Really? Can I see your movies?"

"Sure. Look me up on the Internet and you'll find them. My last name's Schaeffer. SO what do you want to do besides drive a cab?" He seemed very smart and I figured, like a lot of drivers I know, he was going to MIT or something genius like that. Med school.

"I want to buy a store in North Carolina." He said with a poetic earnestness that again almost had me in tears.

"Really. Why North Carolina?" I'm always fascinated how and why immigrants end up in small towns when they come to America. The cities I get...

"It's much cheaper there and I have a friend who bought a store there and is doing very, very well."

"Wow. What kind of store?"

"A grocery store." So, this is how the Pakistani guy ended up in your local 7-Eleven. He's God behind the register, you might want to remember that next time you're in front of him and treat his as such.

"That's great."

"Yeah, I can take care of my wife and kids much better there."

"You're married and have kids?"

"Yes. Twin girls. One and a half years old and a three year old son."

"That's amazing. Did you have an arranged marriage?"

"Yes."

"SO you had never ever met her before in your life until the day you married her?"

"Well, she was my cousin so when we were very little I knew her."

"Like, how old?"

"Four or five."

"And then you didn't see her again until you were...?"

"Twenty. When we got married."

"Did you remember her from when you were little?"

"Of course."

"And how's it going? Are you happy?"

"Of course. I love her deeply." He smiled and said it with such profound happiness, again, I almost burst out weeping. To stop it, I countered with a joke, a true one but a joke none the less.

"Yeah, my first sex was with my little girl cousins when I was 6 but I didn't end up marrying them... first cousins?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, me too."

"You're father's brother's daughter?"

"No, my mother's brother's daughter."

"Wow."

"Why don't you marry your cousin?"

"Well in this country it doesn't really happen so much. At least not in New York. Where you're going in the South it's a little more frequent though..." I laughed to myself a little, having made a joke for my benefit, knowing he wouldn't get it and not really wanting him too.

"I see."

We arrived at the gym and I gave him a twenty for a five dollar fare. "Here's a little extra for your store."

"You don't want change?" He couldn't believe it.

"No, no. That's for you, to put towards your store."

"Thank you so much." Like it was the biggest gift he had ever gotten in his life. Sick humility.

"Take care." And I got out. He smiled, waved and drove off. I was flooded with mixed emotion and tears now flooded my eyes. I was so grateful for having been in this man/God's presence but also really sad that he was leaving. I went into the gym, stuffing the emotion and couldn't help tell the two 21 year old front desk girls the entire story, which of course fell on def ears unfortunately, "Oh, that's so sweet" they feigned, not wanting to be rude to the crazy man who was obsessed with his cab driver.

I went to the locker room to change and realized I could hold back the tears no longer so I went into a bathroom stall and cried a little. I didn't want to full on sob or I'd be exhausted and what little energy I had for this "workout" would be gone. So I just cried a little quietly and then hit the elliptical, desperately trying to hold on to the Absolute Knowledge that God not only existed but had taken time out of his busy schedule, even on a light day, to hang with me a little. The bank of twenty TV's in front of me made it hard. CNN, CNBC, ET, Access Hollywood, and bad sitcom reruns all beckoned me back to the dark side. At least the Food Network was on and while it didn't help motivate me much to work out but instead to stop this stupid charade of trying not to be the fat shit I am and just give in and eat everything in sight, at least it wasn't overtly evil and I might have a chance to remember God a few minutes longer until my very powerful lower self took over again and the internal God/no God war resumed. It's always scary to me how, in the moments of Absolute Knowledge which can happen in so many ways in so many moments big and small; a cab experience, the Mets winning the World Series, a sunset, when I saw Oh God and Wings Of Desire, a slammin' yoga practice, I am so sure of the existence, but then how, when it fades, I am so equally sure of the nonexistence. Faith. My biggest challenge. I guess better to be in the game than out of it.

Posted by Eric Schaeffer at 7:01 AM

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